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top model blog.

love...

for another one of these annoyings.
livejournal sadly does remain the best way to do it.
i'ma include everyone i can possibly think of.

1. i really like you. when you're happy about something, you're such a cool person to talk to, and even when you're miserable, i know you have a reason. i don't even know what your future will be like, considering you have no motivation to live, but i'm glad we at least reunited for a little bit before i never see you again.

2. what are you? what is your purpose? how can you think so highly of yourself when you are so ugly, irritating, perky, and disliked?

3. i have no idea what my closest friends see in you. i guess you're an okay person, but conversations with you are so forced and inane. we aren't really friends. you won't miss me when i leave. stop telling me we should hang out.

4. after making myself hate you for awhile, i admit that i've realized that you are pretty smart and fun to talk to. i think you would have made a good friend, had we met earlier - and had you not proved yourself really judgemental. i like you, but i can't see what happened from your perspective. you are not above anyone, and you made a mistake when you closed the door on a friend who really loved, and still does love, you.

5. being away from you has taught me a lot about our relationship. it's been a long time since i put you on a pedestal, but i think it will be hard to forget how almost-perfect life seems to be when i'm with you. i think you and i have a chemistry that's rare to find. wherever i go and no matter how many years pass, i'll still really miss you, and love you, when i think about what we've done together.

6. it's too bad that we'll never have the opportunity to be friends. we're extremely alike in a lot of big ways, but obviously i'm not going to establish a real personal connection with you both because i'm leaving and because it's just impossible. thanks for making me feel understood.

7. we've had fun, we've shared stuff, we're close friends. but you have an annoying streak that is impossible to ignore. i'll remember you fondly, but i don't think our friendship has what it takes to endure after high school.

8. stop repeating everything i say, and muttering awkward things, and generally weirdly insinuating yourself into my social life. i don't really like you that much. you're nice and well-meaning, but dealing with you is like working a 15-hour shift in a mental ward.

9. you are the most compatible friend i think i will ever find in my whole life. i worry about literally nothing in our relationship. there is no concept you don't understand and no joke you don't get. life is unfair for everyone, but you know the meaning of unfair; i will never be able to find the right combination of words to convince you there's a reason for everything. i don't know that there is. however empty this idea may seem, i think you know that i see and understand exactly what you think about your life, and however alone you might feel in your own head, you aren't. i see it too.

10. every day i actively pray that you fail. i hope your dreams are never realized and you are never happy, and you finally know what it means to feel unimportant. however hard i try, i can't see even a bit of a good person in you. you deserve to be miserable. i'll be so relieved when your life doesn't turn out right.

11. we don't talk about anything of real substance, and we don't see eachother much outside of school. but i see something in you that's really genuine and likeable, and we don't have to be close for me to know you have a good heart. as friends, we're nothing special, but getting to know you is a nice reminder that someone kind and worth talking to can pop up even when i'm just about ready to leave.

12. oh. my god. talking to you is mindnumbing. you have no talent! no talent, no talent, talent = no. stop walking around with the air that you have a fantastic future ahead of you, and no one can comprehend your fierce genius. your observations are not witty, your feelings are not unique, and you're not destined for success.

13. i know i really really hurt you. i couldn't control it, but i'm still so sorry. you're a wonderful person and one of the best friends i've ever had, and one of the few people i know i can unequivocally trust. when i know you're happy, it makes me feel so good because i'm always hoping you'll get what you want in life. i love you very much and i don't want to ever lose touch.

14. you fucking fake bitch! what really has happened to you that you have to be such a martyr? i know everyone has their own story, but i know enough to tell you that life is not nearly bad enough for you to crave sympathy and attention the way you do. your low self-esteem is such an act. you need people to notice you constantly, and sadly, they do. get over yourself.

15. you're such an enigma. are you on a plane above humanity altogether? something definitely sets you apart from everyone else. you're my good friend, and i like your personality, and you're witty and understanding and all that...it's just that sometimes, you really do seem like another species.

16. i still hate you. you're an arrogant ass. your friends suck, too.

17. i feel bad for you. you're so obviously not capable of dealing with real life and its consequences, and i worry about what will happen when you leave home. you need to learn to tone yourself down and act more grown-up when those kinds of situations arise. not everything gets magically solved by best friends and hugs.

18. i doubt you will ever know how much you changed my life. i won't remember for long what you look like or what we did together; i can't remember much now. but thanks, i guess, for that day and night. it's funny how we shared nothing personal at all, but your name will be silently, subtly attached to many or all of my romantic relationships.

19. i like you when we're chilling and you're just a smart, fun person to be around. i only wish you wouldn't use your laserlike judgement and "whatever" attitude so much. as intelligence goes, you're up there, so i know you have the capacity to see logic everywhere. but emotionally, you can be brutal; i don't have to deal with that bullshit, but your friends do. don't exploit people who genuinely care about you.

and, sorry for t3h mushies:

20. no one forgets number one. i painstakingly remember every second from when we met, and even more vividly from when i first knew i was in love with you. you erased all my original definitions of need, comfort, affection, devotion, perfection, everything. there may come a day when i call you and have to stop myself from saying "baby." but a part of me will always want to. a part of me will forever and ever be inaccesible to anyone else, because you own it now. i know what it is to love. forgetting you would be forgetting how. i can't and won't, ever.

with andria's houseful of kitties.

( how dis happen i no good with computur )

oh! wait. haha. i lied.
it was your surprise birthday party, jc!

( i think you're really gonna like 'the holiday'. )

winter concert with the orchestra.
plus a few bonus vids.

( devito )

( a holiday card from the bitches, and sam's christmas tree )

so please do this.
pleeeease, i'm so bored all the time.
do it so i can stop checking thesecretgame.

My name:

Who is the love of my life:

Where did we meet:

Take a stab at my middle name:

How long have you known me:

Do I smoke:

Do I drink:

When is my birthday:

What was your first impression upon meeting me:

Do I have any siblings:

What's one of my favorite things to do:

Am I funny:

What's my favorite type of music:

What is the best feature about me:

Am I shy or outgoing:

Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules:

Do I have any special talents:

Would you consider me a friend/good friend:

Would you call me preppy, average, sporty, punk, hippie, glam, nerdy, snobby, or something else (what):

What is a memory we have once had:

What is my favorite food:

If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be:

What's your favorite memory of me:

Who do I like right now:

What is my worst habit:

If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what one thing would I bring?

so totally seniors 07, ilusfm!!1.



i need some comments on my portraits.
so i can choose which to buy!

( lol-ipop )

so bored.

Randomly pick 20 of your xanga friends before reading under the cut.
1. rudeandclever
2. ciggsnpixiestix
3. pixelatedlerve
4. of_antiqued
5. chastasheen
6. wishinonadream
7. abigailbardwell
8. slitangelwings
9. lipstickfriday
10. dietcokeheadx
11. rissaria2489
12. mrsnapolean
13. sippin___40z
14. mainerebelnum1
15. lostinyonkers
16. wewereinfinite6
17. jrab3
18. the_neverkind
19. 20bux
20. sullenmadness

( the cut. )

it's okay if all of you have stopped looking at these by now.
i just got what is probably the last batch.
they came in a fat envelope from oshkosh, wisconsin.
bri took them, and they document the important moments that i forgot a camera for.
her captions were so good, so i'm substituting a couple because i can't top them.
these are my favorites.

if you wanna see me looking truly monstrous, please ( enjoy. )

this journal was created to showcase my life in photos.
today i am going to show you an excellent day that happened a little while ago.
and i really do declare this post, as mentioned above,

( the very best. )

1. AP Studio Art - Ritholtz
2. Theater Arts II - Canfora
3. Calculus - Szajna
4. AP Psychology - Tesar
5. FALL: Facing History - Campanelli
5. SPRING: School Store
6. FALL: Facing History - Gonzalez
6. SPRING: Fitness for Life / Regular Gym - Bernardo
7. FALL: Economics - Ventimiglia
7. SPRING: Health - Sandi
8. Wind Ensemble - Loebmonster

comment if you have a match, blah blah blah.

my TA, jackie, posted these, so i'm gonna share. it's mostly worth it for the shots of us pulling weeds.

( one team, one dream )

Civic Leadership Iinstitute.
summer 2006 in san francisco.
have fun looking at these.

( what are you doing after this? )

i'm leaving for san francisco on sunday.
i thought i'd leave you with something to remind you of me.
and because i know some of you had higher hopes for the summer (just like me).
i love you.

okay everyone, enjoy these.
AWWW ROSS N' LEAH, THEY MATCH, blahblahblah.
i didn't bring a camera to the actual thing so...this be it.

( INYAMOUTH. )

this is mostly a chronicle of my birthday.
also included are a few pics of a recent city day with nick,
and a treat for all you jonah lovers out there.

( 6/17/06 )

so i do these a lot, big deal.
you all know they're fun.
you love to guess them.

1. when i found about what happened to you, i was very very scared. we're not incredibly close; this is weird, but i didn't realize how much i've loved being friends with you until now. you are one of the most hilarious and honest people i've ever known, and although it's very possible we'll lose touch, i hope you know how great i think you are.

2. i know i harass you about how you may not love me as much as you love another sibling of mine, but deep down i know we have a really good friendship. we never hang out, and we should. i don't tell you enough how much fun i have when i'm with you.

3. wow, you are such a cutie. please continue to be mary christ when talking to me. as much as possible.

4. we've had some conflict lately, and i've been more honest with you than i ever have before. i was scared about telling you what i really think, but it turns out that i didn't have any reason to be afraid. the end of this year is painful mainly because you're leaving. not for good, i understand, but still, you won't be here for me every day. i guess i'll have to express the rest of this sentiment in your yearbook, and in that mix cd i'm putting together - i wouldn't want to ruin this on livejournal. i love you with all of my heart.

5. i'm sorry we grew apart as this year came to a close. i miss you. you understand me so well, and truthfully, there has never been one moment in our friendship when i've been angry, annoyed, or bored with you. i don't think i had a hand in the gradual decrease of our closeness, but if i did, i wish you could tell me how to make it right. i'll always admire and love you, and i hope we can reconnect even a little bit before you have to go.

6. i forgive you for leaving me washed up on the shores of the parkway playground. we really are bffers. every day i'm happy that we're friends. there's never a dull moment when we're together - or even a moment when we're not thinking about ways to channel alexander hamilton. i really love you, and sometime next year, we'll cut sixth period and go to mcdonald's.

7. you are a waste of space. i find a little comfort in the fact that you are so annoying that you will probably never get anywhere in the future. find yourself a life. get off the computer, take off your chunky jewelry.

8. there have been a lot of times this year when i've doubted the honesty of my friends, and i've wondered if they're being real with me. not once in the entire time we've known eachother have i wondered that about you. i can't spend enough time talking about how amazing you are; you're smart and funny and sincere and i know you care about me. i know i wouldn't be able to say this stuff in person because we'd end up laughing, so...here. just realize how much i value you as one of my best friends. and also as a caricature artist.

9. what am i supposed to say? everything i need to tell you will be written down soon. maybe i should just make this slot really obvious. hello sir edgar.

10. you completely ditched me and i'm kind of pissed about it. i mean, we were about to see eachother again, after all this time, and then i just don't hear from you. maybe you really do want to move on. and that's fine with me. i'm tired of pretending.

11. you will always be a vertical filter of love. my teddy roosevelt, my midnight judge, my liberal hero. if only i could shave your dyed beard in the night and keep it with me for all time. please accept my undying respect and gratitude forever, along with the lust that i and my partner in crime have so clumsily hid all school year.

12. of everyone i've met in high school, i think i'm luckiest to have met you. you mean so much so me. i really can't list everything i love about you; it would take too long. with you, i can be myself, churn out a new inside joke every 30 seconds, complain, sing, talk seriously, everything. i'm not great at being mushy so i hope you recognize this and know that i heart you in various and unhealthy ways. in fact, i could describe this relationship with..."i love her."

here, you may see:

-friday night sleepover at andria's
-the few relay for life pictures i took
-the usual doing-nothing with jc

( on every vase! )